Unexpected Attack...

Please note that I do write out the entire "n-word" in this entry so if you don't want to see it, do not read any further.

On my 19th day in Seattle I have experienced something I never even thought would happen to me. Although I know racism exists, it has never crossed my mind that someone would call me "the n-word" to my face. I needed to buy gifts for my RAs and decided I would walk to Safeway for the first time. As I followed my GPS to Safeway, it took me down this street where I noticed the houses were big and well kept. Also the cars that were parked outside were nice cars. I walked down the street looking around at the houses and then I heard someone say, "Why's she on our street?" I quickly turned my head forward and noticed two males and a female who appeared to be white. I continued walking towards them as they were walking towards me. As they got closer the female said, "Hey nigger you shouldn't be on this street". One of the males quickly followed with, "Yeah nigger you need to know your place and this ain't it". I continued walking and someone called out, "We better not ever catch you on our street again". Although I have heard such language before, I don't think anyone is ever prepared when it is said to them.

I'd never thought about being called this before and I didn't think my emotions would be so high in hearing someone say it to me. I would have thought after years of studying race relations that hearing it wouldn't faze me. Well that was not the case. As I turned off of the street, tears began to fill my eyes. I was filled with emotions of sadness, anger, disgust, and disbelief. I've grown up in so many neighborhoods where the majority isn't people of color and still never experienced this. I believe these emotions are heightened by me adjusting to this place and being disrespected and devalued so quickly. I am in a complete state of confusion in this place where I am left to process this and try to continue to live here.I will never go to Safeway again or even go near that neighborhood. I do not believe in purposefully putting myself in negative situations so it will be avoided. I even took a different route home to avoid walking down that street again. Less than a month here and I am now in a state of wonder about everywhere I go. This has made me wonder if I have been walking a privileged life by not experiencing such racism earlier. If this had happened to me years ago, I wonder if I would have been so fazed by it today. My emotions are high and my feelings for the neighborhood in which I now work and live have been forever changed.

I only wish I was home with family, friends, and in a place where walking to the grocery store I'd never experience something like this.

Please excuse the lack of flow and cohesive thoughts in this blog, but these are my raw emotions and reactions to the situation.

When In Doubt, Friends Will Help You Out

In the last week my emotions have been on a roller-coaster ride. I've went from the excitement of my first week to super homesick to content to excited for the year to get going. Who knew that in the span of 7 days one could feel so many things? Although I've been very excited about Seattle and my new life here, I began to feel homesick and extremely sad. I cried a lot over the last week because I missed my friends and family. I even debated if I really wanted to stay here. My friends, Keala and Victoria, tried to talk me out of it and convince me that I'd be okay here after a couple of weeks but I wasn't listening. It took a phone call from my best friend, Kemar, telling me that being in Seattle was best for me and to try to be happy here. Even though his advice is always short, he gets through to me. After the conversation, I started to embrace my time here in Seattle.

L to R: Kemar, Victoria, ME, Keala

To feel more comfortable here, I decided I'd cook myself dinner. Although cooking is not my favorite thing to do, I was having fun in the kitchen cooking for myself. I cooked dinner two nights in a row and it made me feel much better. Again it's not my favorite thing to do, so two nights was more than enough cooking for me. The week got even better on Thursday when myself and the other grad assistants in housing got together to have a progressive dinner. We went around to each other's apartments and had food. It was just what I needed during a week where I was so sad. We had an amazing time and were able to get to know each other a lot more.

Friday was the best day of the week for me! I went out to get my nails done which always relaxes me!! I also went to a restaurant called Island Soul where I had curry goat for the first time. I didn't expect to like it but the food was amazing and I will be going back very soon. The best part of my day was coming home to see there was a TV in my living room!! I'd been waiting for my tv all week and was excited to spend my entire weekend on the couch watching it. That is precisely what I did most of the weekend!

Island Soul with Jackie

The week started off rocky, but with the help of friends both old and new I was able to get out of my funk. Now I'm back into the work week and working hard to prepare for the RAs to return. Soon  I'll be busy doing the things I love and making connections with students. I believe now really begins my road to becoming a student affairs professional. I hope you'll come along for the crazy ride!

Assistant Resident Director... Take One

How can I describe my first week of training? Hard, stressful, sad, informational, fun, exciting, and supportive. It was a whirlwind of emotions all while trying to learn what it takes to work here. Let me take you through the week.

I'm official!

My office! 

We started on the very first day with a ROPES COURSE!! If you know me, you know that I hate being outdoors and bugs absolutely freak me out!! Not only was I going to be outside all day, but I had to do it with complete strangers. I was terrified the first day, but that all went away very quickly as I got to interact with the staff. People were friendly and really open to talk to anyone. We had to do challenges together, get to know each other, and try to take lessons home from the experience. It was a great experience and left me feeling like I'd really fit in here.

Photo Credit: Jackie

Day 2 and 3 are days that I've always dreaded during housing training, Diversity Day. I was in complete shock that we were doing it so early in training. I mean come on, I didn't know any of these people well enough to be sharing my life with them. I had decided before the day even started that I wasn't going to talk. Well, we all know I love talking so that plan didn't work out well. There was so much sharing and emotions in those two days that I felt much closer to my staff after them. Like all days talking about diversity and social justice, we had our moments of disagreement and anger. Things got messy but we worked through best we could. I believe if it didn't get emotional and messy then we would have been doing something wrong.

On Thursday, day 4, we participated in the university's faculty and staff service day. I went to the Lifelong AIDS Alliance where I put together cake boxes and sorted onions. I learned a lot about the importance of helping those with AIDS. Lastly, on Friday we got into some procedures for housing. I learned about duty protocol, my role in SLT training (RA training), and how to utilize CAPS on campus. This was just the beginning of my information overload.

Photo Credit: Kathi

Overall my first week of training was great. I really believe I'll have a great experience as an ARD here. I'm not quite ready today, but after the next 2 weeks of training I think I'll be prepared. More than anything I am thankful for the supportive staff that I am a piece of!!

Photo Credit: Jackie

I'm On My Own Now...

It was strongly suggested to me that I blog my first year of graduate school. Well I've decided it could be fun to document my life and all my new experiences. So here it is...


It's my first night alone in my apartment and it's only been 3 days since I moved to Seattle so the adjustment period is serious. On Saturday I got on a plane and flew almost 800 miles with my mom by my side. She was probably the only reason I wasn't constantly crying about the move. We (mostly me) unpacked all my things and put them away. By the end of the day I had officially moved into my first apartment. Sunday was full of wrong buses, closed stores, and trying to find a place to buy pillows which turned to to be a fail. Eventually we gave up on those things and did what we know best, shopping and sightseeing! We went to the museum of glass and to the Space Needle! After walking around downtown Seattle for hours, it was time to come home so I could finish last minute apartment things. I never thought about all the things I'd have to do just to make my apartment feel like home.
After 4 years of living in a small dorm room, an apartment is a major upgrade. Living in an apartment comes with all the responsibilities I don't like. Cooking, cleaning the kitchen, cleaning the bathroom, and taking out the trash. Everyone who knows me can say I'm not the domestic type. This year of being in my own apartment where I have to take care of myself shall be interesting. Not to mention I have to balance it with being in a new city, starting grad school, and my first year as an Assistant Resident Director. I am in for a world of change in this next year and I hope I can make it through it all. Time to put on my big girl pants and see just what type of grown up I will be.

Seattle University for school & work

Space Needle

Flowers Made Out Of Glass