Unexpected Attack...

Please note that I do write out the entire "n-word" in this entry so if you don't want to see it, do not read any further.

On my 19th day in Seattle I have experienced something I never even thought would happen to me. Although I know racism exists, it has never crossed my mind that someone would call me "the n-word" to my face. I needed to buy gifts for my RAs and decided I would walk to Safeway for the first time. As I followed my GPS to Safeway, it took me down this street where I noticed the houses were big and well kept. Also the cars that were parked outside were nice cars. I walked down the street looking around at the houses and then I heard someone say, "Why's she on our street?" I quickly turned my head forward and noticed two males and a female who appeared to be white. I continued walking towards them as they were walking towards me. As they got closer the female said, "Hey nigger you shouldn't be on this street". One of the males quickly followed with, "Yeah nigger you need to know your place and this ain't it". I continued walking and someone called out, "We better not ever catch you on our street again". Although I have heard such language before, I don't think anyone is ever prepared when it is said to them.

I'd never thought about being called this before and I didn't think my emotions would be so high in hearing someone say it to me. I would have thought after years of studying race relations that hearing it wouldn't faze me. Well that was not the case. As I turned off of the street, tears began to fill my eyes. I was filled with emotions of sadness, anger, disgust, and disbelief. I've grown up in so many neighborhoods where the majority isn't people of color and still never experienced this. I believe these emotions are heightened by me adjusting to this place and being disrespected and devalued so quickly. I am in a complete state of confusion in this place where I am left to process this and try to continue to live here.I will never go to Safeway again or even go near that neighborhood. I do not believe in purposefully putting myself in negative situations so it will be avoided. I even took a different route home to avoid walking down that street again. Less than a month here and I am now in a state of wonder about everywhere I go. This has made me wonder if I have been walking a privileged life by not experiencing such racism earlier. If this had happened to me years ago, I wonder if I would have been so fazed by it today. My emotions are high and my feelings for the neighborhood in which I now work and live have been forever changed.

I only wish I was home with family, friends, and in a place where walking to the grocery store I'd never experience something like this.

Please excuse the lack of flow and cohesive thoughts in this blog, but these are my raw emotions and reactions to the situation.